did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
