whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
