the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
