you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
