she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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