only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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