There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
