Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
