one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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