He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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