batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
