Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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