We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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