I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
