Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
