Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
