Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
