I love black thongs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize