please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
