If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
