we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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