Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
