I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
