HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
