I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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