Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
