It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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