im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize