so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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