Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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