Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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