Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
