dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
