It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
they need to just BURY HIM!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
