Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
