Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
