We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
