your thong is hanging out like whoa
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
