I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
