look no pants
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
