So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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