i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
