Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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