im drinking this country out of the recession.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
