I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
