I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
