i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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