i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
