i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have fence marks all over my body
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
