I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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