She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
