Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
