I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
