im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
