i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
