Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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