girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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