I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize