I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Come on in and take your pants off
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